“You were for sure the fastest mom in the race.”
“Well we don’t celebrate that.”
Gwen Jorgensen was quick to dismiss her husband Patrick’s attempt to comfort her after the US Olympic Trials 5k in 2021.
After injury kept Gwen out of the Olympic Trials Marathon, she had a year to become a 5k runner, and by the time she got to the start line, she still wasn’t totally ready. She placed 9th and was content while still feeling the disappointment of her untapped potential.
When I heard her say, “We don’t celebrate that,” I thought Ouch! Why not celebrate that you’re the fastest, and perhaps only, mom out there?! Your body has done something no one else’s has! Was she holding herself to too high of a standard? Being too hard on herself?
I got to interview Gwen last week (amazing! so wise!) and when I asked her about this comment, she totally reframed my thinking on “high standards.”
Gwen tells anyone who will listen: her goal is to win a gold medal in the Olympic marathon. No American woman has ever done that, and when Gwen set that goal many years ago, only two American women had even medaled in the event. Gwen may have an Olympic gold in the triathlon (lol did I not mention that?), but to some runners, her goal can sound lofty.
But someone needs to be the first, so why not her? Gwen said she sees athletes undercut themselves all the time, with big but “realistic” goals, like being the first American finisher, (but not the winner!) of the Boston Marathon. Why not set the biggest goal you can think of? Truly, why not?
Well I’ll tell you why - you’ll set yourself up for failure! For disappointment and misery and shame. High standards are good, but if you set your standards too high, you’ll never reach them, and then you’ll have more reasons to feel bad about yourself. Right?
Wise Gwen says no. It’s not either or. It’s not big glory or big failure with these audacious goals. It’s both AND. You can have the big goal and you can celebrate the smaller wins along the way. You can fail and be proud of yourself and committed to the road ahead.
Gwen didn’t want to celebrate being the fastest mom in the race because that wasn’t a goal of hers. She could celebrate herself for other small wins like her race tactics and her perseverance in hot conditions, but she didn’t need a consolation prize of “fastest mom.” She was proud of her work and she wanted more.
Gwen still wants to win Olympic gold. Last week, she was celebrating the fact that she ran for just 30 minutes straight. She’s recovering from Covid and her training doesn’t look anything like that of an Olympic gold hopeful right now. But she’s not changing her goal or feeling bad about herself.
She’s got big goals AND feeling herself. You really can have it all.
Follow along with Gwen’s journey!
Gwen’s Youtube (she posts great life, training, and race updates here!)
IG: @GwenJorgensen
(Picture credit: Talbot Cox)